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| Ahmadinejad claims U.S. slavery was hoax, will “wipe America off the map” |
By: Dave Weinbaum
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Posted: Friday, October 2, 2009 1:35 pm
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Dave Weinbaum
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In an astonishing change of verbiage, President Obama’s favorite let’s-sit-down-to-chat Islamofacist, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has left the Holocaust denial business momentarily for a new claim. Mad (our president’s endearing nickname for the little Hitler wannabe) said, “Slavery never occurred in the USA. It was a hoax to get welfare, affirmative action and elect Obama president. America is an enemy of Islam! We will wipe you off the map!” He claimed this just as Iran’s second underground nuke plant was exposed to the world.
This precipitated a heated phone call from Dear Leader to Jihad Central in Tehran: “Hey Mad, what’s up with the slavery lie? Thought we agreed it was okay to denounce the Jew Hallycoaster thing, but why are you calling slavery a fake?”
Mad: “Mr. President, I may be Mad, but I’m NOT one of your stupid Kool-Aid drinkers! At the UN, Little Devil Netanyahu gave irrefutable evidence that the Holocaust really happened. I had to maintain at least a falafel of credibility. In case you hadn’t noticed, evil revolutionaries have taken to the streets.”
Obama: “I was too busy chairing the UN Security Council — you know, the one where we vowed to rid the world of all nuclear weapons?!”
(Two full minutes of laughing from both.)
Obama: “Mad, didn’t I support you and the Mullahs when you stole that election and Persians were rioting in the streets? Didn’t you hear that fool Zbigniew Brzezinski call for the U.S. to shoot down Israeli planes that might attack you? Couldn’t you have found something else to mock?”
Mad: “Like what?”
Obama: “Well, you could pick on the Christians for a change.”
Mad: “Aren’t YOU a Christian?”
Obama: “Oh yeah. Sometimes I forget. Mad, you can’t ridicule slavery. It’s the basis of my power. My backers are blacks, Hispanics, Native Americans, 60’s radicals, Socialists, Communists, anarchists, Muslims, Hollywood, and all whites stupid enough to feel guilty about stuff they had nothing to do with. I’ve even got the support of 80 percent of American Jews!
(Three minutes of hysterical rib-cracking laughter from both.)
Mad: “I thought your lineage didn’t come from slavery. Wasn’t your mother white and your father a black Kenyan Muslim?”
Obama: “Yeah, but if you look, walk, and talk like an angry slave victim ... Besides, how do you think all those blacks got into the USA?”
Mad: “Illegal Immigration! The point is there’s much less proof of slavery happening than six million Jews slaughtered by the Germans. Our Nazi heroes kept too many records, and there are still Hebe survivors, with numbers tattooed on their arms. Why, oh Allah, why!?”
Obama: “All right. How long before the world forgets Bibi’s speech? Can you believe I’m getting pressure to actually talk to General McChrystal in Afghanistan? I can only stall on his request for troops for so long. Forty-three U.S. soldiers have been killed since I shelved McChrystal’s plea. I’m gettin’ all sorts of heat.”
Mad: “And, thanks to Allah, you’re such a talented con man! I give it another week, Bam and Netanyahu’s speech will be totally forgotten.”
Obama: “Okay, then you’ll get back to the Hallycosty denial, right?”
Mad: “As Allah is my witness, Mr. President. Let me add, the Mullahs and I appreciate the stranglehold you’ve put on Israel.”
Obama: “All in the name of peace, Mad. But I’m warning you; if you don’t back off the slavery BS, I’ll lay into your nuke plants like Glenn Beck just nailed Valerie Jarrett.”
Mad: “Heaven forbid!”
Obama: “Asalami, my Mad friend.”
Mad: “May children throughout the world continue to sing your praises!”
Obama: “All praise to ME!”
Mad: “Kerr Khar Bokker! (kiss my donkey’s p#&*%#@s.)”
Obama (hearing snickering mullahs in the background): “Uh, what’s THAT mean?”
Mad: “Long live President Obama!!!” (...as full laughter breaks out in Jihad Central.)
Obama: “Okay, then off to Copenhagen. Gotta bring back the billions to pay off my peeps ... I mean gotta get those Olympics for Chi-town!”
(Dave Weinbaum is a regular contributor of one-liners and commentaries to many regional and national publications and web sites, including the Reader's Digest, National Enquirer and Forbes and is a regular pundit for the www.jewishworldreview.com. Readers can reach Dave at dwquote@prodigy.net or his website, www.daveweinbaum.com. Listen to the Dave Weinbaum Radio Talk show on KTTR 99.7 FM and 1490 AM on Friday mornings starting at 9:05.)
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